Trey Jenkins
Family Bonds: The Backbone of Trey's Journey to Wholeness
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Family has always been a central part of Trey Jenkins' life. Raised in New Mexico, he was surrounded by his brother and cousins, who felt more like siblings. Whether they were cheering each other on at sports or events or simply spending time together, their support for one another was unwavering.
Trey also shared a deep connection with his parents. He recalls the countless hours they spent together—with his dad coaching his sports teams and teaching him how to fix things in the garage, and with his mom learning how to cook and doing other activities.
Despite the joy of Trey’s childhood, it was also full of inner turmoil. Raised as a girl, he remembers at an early age the feeling that something was off. He didn’t feel or act like the other girls. He didn’t connect with the female movie characters but found himself relating deeply to the male characters and male roles. He gravitated toward typical male interests, like sports, and felt most comfortable spending his time with the boys.
This sense of not feeling "right" lingered and often grew overwhelming, as he struggled to understand what he was experiencing. His teenage and early adult years had been marked by mental health struggles—battles with depression, suicidal thoughts, and substance use as a coping mechanism. He spent those years waiting for the day he would wake up and finally feel "right."
For a time, lesbian seemed like the closest fit for how he felt. He met and married his spouse, and together they welcomed a son into their lives. Trey had the family he had always dreamed of, but a deep, nagging feeling of something being off remained. As he entered his 30s, the awareness that something was off became more persistent and unbearable. Around this time, Trey became more aware of what it meant to be transgender and realized that this was his experience, too. As he began his transition, he finally felt right.
Now, in his 40s, Trey is happier than he has ever been. The dissonance that haunted him for so long has faded, replaced by a newfound sense of harmony. No more depression, no more suicidal ideation. His intellectual, spiritual, and physical selves are aligned, and for the first time in his life, he feels whole.
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Although transitioning brought a profound sense of peace within Trey, it also brought some challenges. Even though his employer had inclusive policies, Trey faced unkind and discriminating attitudes from employees that created an unhealthy environment for him, causing him to leave. In addition, some public spaces, such as the gym, have been a source of anxiety because of fear of discrimination.
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Trey is grateful for his family's acceptance and support, which have made living as a transgender adult easier. He knows he can succeed without their support, but as he tackles the challenges of life, he doesn’t have a layer of pain to filter through that would be caused by unaccepting family.
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The family’s acceptance of Trey has positively impacted Trey’s autistic son as well. Trey’s son hasn’t had to endure the tension or distress that often comes from unacceptance. Instead, his son’s time with his grandparents and cousins is filled with peace and love.
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Today, Trey is working as an administrator at ASU focusing on advancing the school’s charter to create a space for all and to help all succeed. He has achieved a master’s degree in Social Work and is pursuing a PhD, also in Social Work. Drawing from his personal experiences as a member of both the Black and transgender communities, he decided to center his dissertation on the impact of loneliness on a person’s ability to succeed, and the ways in which different forms of exclusion communicate a sense of not belonging and contribute to loneliness.
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When not at work or school, Trey loves to cook (tweaking recipes to be more healthy is his specialty), play sports, work out, play with his Goldendoodle, and spend time with his spouse and son watching Marvel and Star Wars movies and building with Legos.
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When asked about his hope for the Queer community in Arizona, besides policy and services that allow Queer folk (and especially transgender folk) to thrive, Trey hopes for a more connected local transgender community. While family support has been vital for Trey, he knows many trans people don't share that experience. He envisions a local transgender "family" formed through a physical space where individuals can come together for support, acceptance, and a sense of belonging.
