Kristine & Laura Coons
Breaking the Chains of Fear: The Journey of Dr. Kristine & Laura Coons
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Living with fear and misunderstanding became the backdrop to Dr. Kristine Coons' journey—a thread woven through every chapter of her life. Growing up in a deeply religious family in Western Washington, Kristine was no stranger to the virtues of love and compassion, but her early years were overshadowed by fear when her brother contracted AIDS after a routine tonsillectomy. At a time when ignorance about the disease bred rampant prejudice, the Coons family found themselves isolated by the very community they had trusted.
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Moving from school to school to escape the stigma, Kristine witnessed how fear changed neighbors and friends into adversaries. Yet, her parents refused to yield to despair. They stood tall, advocating for understanding, using every opportunity to educate and challenge misconceptions. It was amid this chaos that Kristine absorbed the profound lesson that fear could be conquered with compassion and that the misunderstood must be given a voice.
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Yet, Kristine was grappling with her own quiet struggle. From her earliest memories, she felt an internal gender awareness that didn’t align with her assigned male gender. In a household already burdened by prejudice and loss, she buried her feelings, fearing they would become yet another source of pain for her family. Fear silenced her truth, even as it gnawed at her.
Puberty brought physical changes that only amplified her gender dysphoria. Kristine tried everything she could to avoid the effects of puberty. Avoiding mirrors, she found it hard to look at her reflection, as it only reminded her of the masculine traits that felt so foreign. She chose simple clothing that was quick to put on, hoping to avoid the distress her appearance caused. As she got older, she turned to other methods to try to ease her dysphoria, from immersing herself in religion to experimenting with herbal remedies.
Another way Kristine tried to avoid gender dysphoria was by keeping herself as busy as possible, often working to exhaustion. This need to stay occupied continued through high school and college, where she pushed herself to the limit, always searching for a way to escape the distress she felt within. One example of overworking herself occurred at her first job, a local fast-food restaurant several miles from her home. She chose to bike to and from work, creating a goal to ride as fast and as hard as possible. She pushed so hard that she ended up tearing the pedal arm off the gears.
In college, Kristine found an amazing relationship in Laura, whose love seemed to offer a balm for her inner turmoil. Their marriage and family life became a refuge, but gender dysphoria—and the ways she coped with it—were never far from the surface. When Kristine was accepted into medical school, it became another outlet to immerse herself in overwork, a familiar coping mechanism. Residency followed, and Kristine seized every opportunity to pack her already overwhelming schedule with work and study, using the constant busyness to keep her dysphoria at bay. But as residency drew to a close, Kristine was faced with a sobering realization: the distractions would soon disappear, leaving her once again to confront the gender dysphoria that had shadowed her throughout her life.
In a quiet moment at home, as she reflected on her future, a sense of peace washed over her when she considered for the first time to accept, rather than resist, her truth. She realized it was finally time to share her truth with Laura, the first person she had ever confided in, at the age of 32.
When Kristine confided in Laura, fear loomed over their conversations, but Laura’s compassion carved out a space for understanding. Despite the uncertainty of what this revelation meant for their marriage, Laura drew on her faith, trusting the feelings of “rightness” they both had felt when they first came together. Through countless conversations and prayers, they arrived at a shared decision: Kristine needed to explore ways to alleviate her dysphoria. At first, this involved small steps, allowing herself moments of femininity in private. She found immense relief, describing it as finally taking off a pair of shoes that had been painfully tight all her life.
As she began hormone therapy, Kristine felt a surge of vitality she had never known. Laura and their children saw a transformation too; Kristine became more present, more joyful, and more open. Unaware of the reasons behind Kristine’s newfound happiness, her children embraced the warmth and closeness that these changes brought into their family.
Eventually, Kristine and Laura decided to tell the kids. Their reaction was warm and accepting. One of them simply said, “Oh, that makes a lot of sense.” For months, their kids had already seen the positive transformation in her and felt a stronger, happier bond—and they loved it. One of Kristine’s fondest memories of this discussion with her children was the tackle hugs that followed.
Over time, the distress of Kristine’s gender incongruence grew more intense, and the steps she’d taken to manage it no longer provided enough relief. Depression returned with a heavy weight, leaving her feeling trapped and without options. She felt stuck between two walls. The pressure became so immense, Kristine almost took her life. Reaching out to a suicide hotline, she spoke to a counselor who helped her see a glimmer of hope. She realized she needed to tell Laura about her struggles, and opening up to her brought a sense of comfort.
In prayer, Kristine sought guidance from God and was filled with an overwhelming sense of love and reassurance that it was okay for her to fully be her true self. Together, she and Laura decided that transitioning to present as female was the right path, as her previous efforts to manage her gender dysphoria were no longer enough.
Kristine shared her decision with her boss and coworkers at the hospital where Kristine works as a physician, explaining her gender incongruence and plans to transition. Their response was one of complete acceptance and support, which moved her deeply. When she received an email from administration affirming her for who she truly was, she was so overwhelmed with gratitude she cried.
Kristine and Laura’s families responded with love, even if some didn’t fully understand. Those who struggled to grasp the situation chose to set aside their uncertainties, prioritizing their relationship with Kristine and Laura above all else.
Laura faced her own emotional path, mourning the life she had once envisioned while finding strength in the evolving relationship. Therapy helped her work through her feelings, including long-buried attractions to women that she now allowed herself to feel fully.
Kristine and Laura recognized that every couple must find their own way, but for them, this journey only deepened their love and solidified their bond. Laura’s words to Kristine, “You’re my home,” encapsulated the sense of unity they had built, strengthened by shared faith and unwavering commitment.
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The fear of rejection, so deeply ingrained in Kristine, proved unfounded. Laura remained steadfast, her children embraced her, and her family as well as her colleagues at the hospital supported her with kindness and respect.
When Kristine discovered she is also intersex* through genetic testing, the revelation illuminated her lifelong journey. It wasn’t just her own fear she had been battling, but society’s misunderstanding of complex realities about gender and biological diversity.
Motivated to make a difference for others, she embarked on a mission to educate about the complexities of biological sex and gender incongruence, particularly within medical and health education. Creating detailed lessons and diagrams, she sought to bring clarity to the understanding of intersex and transgender experiences. Her goal is to help society replace fear and prejudice with knowledge and empathy, fostering a world where intersex and transgender people can live in peace.
Dr. Kristine Coons’ story is one of courage in the face of pervasive fear. Her life, shaped by the misunderstandings of others and her own struggle for self-acceptance, stands as a testament to the power of education and empathy. Through her work, she inspires others to confront fear with love and transform misunderstanding into a bridge for connection.
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*Intersex is an umbrella term for people who are born with one or more traits in their genetics, human development, genitalia, hormones, or internal reproductive organs that vary from societal expected male or female patterns.
